Thought Para: Week 1

AJ sat curled up in the corner of the rec floor couch, her knees up to her chin. She released a silent sigh and observed the dimed area. Today had been a pretty good day, using the time she was outside of her room to come to that conclusion. She found out Kris’s taste in music is perfect, she needed to talk to nurses for Jake, and told Farrah some personal stuff. Like,reallypersonal. The things she only shares with certain people she can trust. “Damn, I forgot,” she whipsered to herself in an annoyed tone. The nurses. AJ shot up from the couch and quietly started looking for her nurse friends.

How did she have friends here? Before she pushed them away, she had a few close friends who were studying in the medical field and were starting their internship. Station after station, she hadn’t found anyone. She found it odd that she couldn’t find them when she actually needed them and other times they came when they weren’t needed. Interesting. She continued to creep around the hospital, still not finding anyone. AJ sighed heavily and made her way to her room. She was more tired that she had been in a while, maybe enough to sleep. Slowly opening the door, exhausted, she threw herself onto her bed and, soon enough, drifted to sleep. She figured that she could inform the interns of her request when she woke up from her little rest.

Oh, how I loathe this picture. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of how I didn’t have to wear the dark make-up to hide the circles always around my eyes. Now, Preston is more of a home than the place I was raised in will ever be. Ever since my little brother and sister were born into this world, I suddenly turned into nothing. I’d just go to school, eat, and sleep. I even started cutting my friends off and not tell them why. Yeah, I was selfish, wanting to keep my parents to myself. I wonder if there’s a difference between being selfish and an attention whore and wanting to be noticed. Probably not.
What do I know, though? I might not be the one to come to since I never finished high school. After I dropped out, all I ever really did was help my siblings and rarely hang out with my friends. Again, I cut them off. That might’ve been the worst thing I’ve ever done. If I had talked to them, I might’ve handled my grandma’s death better, not have hallucinations, and not have my insomnia. Then again, I have the worst coping skills in the world so maybe either way it would’ve happened.
Ugh, no. My grandmother. Can’t think about her too much otherwise she might stop by for a vist and we don’t want that happening, now do we? I still love her, but it’s as if she’s… she’s forever hautingme. For example, lets say I’m taking a shower, I have a feeling someone is watching me. Actually, it’s like that all the time. 24/7, the spotlight’s on AJ. Why? I don’t know. If I did, I’d make sure it stopped immediately. Maybe that’s what I need to know and change to stop everything. That’s my new mission.Why is she still here?

Oh, how I loathe this picture. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of how I didn’t have to wear the dark make-up to hide the circles always around my eyes. Now, Preston is more of a home than the place I was raised in will ever be. Ever since my little brother and sister were born into this world, I suddenly turned into nothing. I’d just go to school, eat, and sleep. I even started cutting my friends off and not tell them why. Yeah, I was selfish, wanting to keep my parents to myself. I wonder if there’s a difference between being selfish and an attention whore and wanting to be noticed. Probably not.

What do I know, though? I might not be the one to come to since I never finished high school. After I dropped out, all I ever really did was help my siblings and rarely hang out with my friends. Again, I cut them off. That might’ve been the worst thing I’ve ever done. If I had talked to them, I might’ve handled my grandma’s death better, not have hallucinations, and not have my insomnia. Then again, I have the worst coping skills in the world so maybe either way it would’ve happened.

Ugh, no. My grandmother. Can’t think about her too much otherwise she might stop by for a vist and we don’t want that happening, now do we? I still love her, but it’s as if she’s… she’s forever hautingme. For example, lets say I’m taking a shower, I have a feeling someone is watching me. Actually, it’s like that all the time. 24/7, the spotlight’s on AJ. Why? I don’t know. If I did, I’d make sure it stopped immediately. Maybe that’s what I need to know and change to stop everything. That’s my new mission.Why is she still here?

the sleepless and unknown: rave.

billiehughes:

billie grinned in response to AJ’s reply. “don’t we all.” she rolled her eyes at AJ, and then strapped herself in as well. “i’m not THAT bad of a driver!” she said, laughing, and flipped the car around, heading down the road away from preston. “it’s only a few minutes from here.” she told AJ, and turned the radio on, flipping through the preset stations in the car. “what the hell.” she said as they all came back static. “we’re actually in the middle of nowhere. the radio doesn’t even fucking work out here.”

AJ smirked when she heard Billie’s statement. “You don’t have to be. Some drunk guy might decide to go on a joy ride and I like my life. Well… not so much, but I don’t want to die.” she beamed slightly. She nodded when she was told how long it would take to get there. She looked out the window, annoyed at the fact that there weren’t any working music stations. “Fuck the radio. We can make our own music.” she told Billie. AJ started singing quietly and slowly started getting louder.

(via saoirseconall)

#w 

the sleepless and unknown: @MY RAVERS. <3

billiehughes:

billie grinned. “i see there are many things i have yet to learn about you, my dear.” she replied with a laugh. as they rounded the corner, billie walked up to a black jeep that was sitting by the curbside. she stood by the driver’s door, then crossed the street, mumbling to herself as she counted out her paces. she stopped, and kneeling down, poked around until she lifted a patch of grass off the lawn she was standing on, and pulled the keys to the jeep out of the earth, replacing the slice of grass. she returned to the car triumphantly, first unlocking the driver’s door and using the internal lock control to unlock all the doors to the car. she hopped in, and started the car, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, I have plenty of things for you to find out about." AJ laughed. She furrowed her eyes as she saw Billie poking grass. She was starting to wonder if she were in the hospital for different reasons than she was told until she caught a glance at the keys. She hopped into the front seat and got comfortable. She fixed her knee highs and boots after strapping on her seat belt. She didn’t quite feel like dying. AJ thought about how hard her parents worked to even get her into Preston and concluded she didn’t give a fuck since they feel the same way about her.

(via saoirseconall)

#w 

@MY RAVERS. <3

billiehughes:

billie looked around for AJ nervously, a little worried that she’d disappeared without saying anything. she felt a small smile cross her face as she heard a soft thump around the corner, and was full out grinning when AJ rounded the corner. “very creative. dumpster jump? i’m throughly impressed with your work.” she said with a soft laugh, and she tossed AJ a pocket-sized bottle of perfume. “just in case you start to smell. sometimes our dumpsters are quite pungent, not quite sure why..” billie smiled and started off at a slow trot down the street.

AJ finished getting the bits of dirt off of her. A smile crept onto her lips and laughed, “Thank you. I used to do it all the time. Being in a asylum doesn’t take away the few tricks I have under my sleeve.” She grabbed the bottle in mid-air and sprayed a bit on her to be on the safe side. “Already ahead of you on that one.” she replied as she followed.

(via saoirseconall)

#w 

@MY RAVERS. <3

billiehughes:

billie looked AJ up and down, and whispered, “please tell me you’re light on your feet?” as she indicated the path they’d have to take downward. deciding  to just move instead of bothering with a full out conversation, billie stood at the edge of the roof, and, letting her body fall as she stepped off, she grasped the drainage pipe at the last moment to slow her fall, and landed soundlessly on her feet. she glanced back up at AJ, to make sure she was still good to come down.

AJ nodded in response to her question. She saw the girl slide the drainage pipe and bit her lip in nervousness. She carefully walked up to another edge, at the bottom awaiting an alley and a few trash bins. She knew she wasn’t going to be on them for long, so didn’t worry about the scents lingering. She walked off the edge and was caught by a few trash bags. Despite the little pain she received, she immediately stood up and found Billie again, dusting herself off.

(via saoirseconall)

#w 

@MY RAVERS. <3

billiehughes:

billie glanced up to see who walked in the room. seeing AJ, she smiled and pulled herself up off the couch. “hey, you clean up real good!” she exclaimed, teasing the girl. she smiled, and linked her arm through AJ’s, walking to the window. “so, you ready for a real party?” she asked, feeling her adrenaline start pumping the way it always did before a good night out. she slid the window open, crawling out onto the roof, motioning AJ to follow.

AJ chuckled slightly. “Ha, thanks. I try.” She followed the girl to the window. “Definitely.” she answered quickly. A real party? This is going to be good.  She watched Billie climb out the window and didn’t hesitate when she motioned toward her. AJ squeezed herself out of the window pane and made her way up to the roof, following Billie since she had no idea how to get to the rave.

(via saoirseconall)

#w 

@MY RAVERS.<3

billiehughes:

billie rummaged through her closet, picking out random articles of clothing and tossing them onto her bed behind her, frustrated by the lack of rave clothing she’d packed for her stint at preston. she finally settled on her only pair of jean shorts, a cropped neon hoodie, black socks and vans. slowly opening her door, she checked up and down the hall for orderlies before venturing out down the stairs to the second floor, where everyone was planning to meet up to sneak out. billie looked around, and deciding that it was safe to say she was the first down, she curled up in one corner of the sofa to wait for someone to show.

Earlier, AJ had been convinced by Billie to go to a “rave”. It’s probably the first one she’s went to, but then again, she’s been to a lot of different forms of parties. One after one, she examined the pieces of clothing in her closet. After about five, she tossed them out and continued. She didn’t know what to really wear, so she thought of it more like a club then party. She ended up in a dark red leather-like mini dress, net knee highs, and, of course, combat boots. She crept quietly up to her door and peeked outside, seeing if the coast was clear. She silently ran to the elevator and went down to the second floor as she was told. AJ scanned the large area for Billie. After finding her on the sofa, she walked up to her with a mischievous smile upon her lips. “Ready,” she stated.

#w 

We’re Back | Open Para

thebeautifulreagan:

Reagan wasn’t sure what was happening, when she looked to see the man he wasn’t there. Reagan walked over to AJ and put her hands over her eyes. Reagan started screaming “Leave! Get out you fucking basterd!” she keept screaming and screaming till she was sure eveyone heard her. She slowly took her hands away from AJ’s eyes ”I think he’s gone now, baby.” she said smiling at her sweetly. 

She looked around cautiously and found that she was right. He wasn’t there. She quietly sighed of relief and gave Reagan a weak smile. “Uh… thanks.” she muttered. She looked down and, out of nowhere, heard someone breathing heavily fairly close to her ear. “Ha, very funny, Reagan. You can stop now. I know it’s you doing that.” she laughed silently. She knew it probably wasn’t her, but wasn’t going to look up and find out. Instead, she closed her eyes and prayed the man was truly gone. Her illusion of her grandmother never went away and came back, so she had no idea how to even begin to handle this.

(Source: aj-wolff, via thebeautifulreagan-deactivated2)

#w 

2 years ago · 5 notes · originally aj-wolff

We’re Back | Open Para

AJ had taken the pills she had gotten from a nurse that morning and they started kicking in. Before she knew it, she was asleep and cuddled up with her pillow in her arms. She was having the most delightful dream. She was with her grandmother and were telling jokes to each other. Suddenly, she shot up and tried to control her heavy breathing, a few drops of cold sweat streaming slowly down her face. She knew it was just a dream, but that’s usually what triggered it. She gently threw her legs over the edge of her bed and sighed. Please don’t show up, everything’s going too perfect to be ruined now. She thought. She slid off and went to the cafeteria to grab a water bottle to ease  her nerves.

Walking back to her room, she hadn’t seen anything. That was a good sign. An excellentsign actually. She sipped on her water with it in one hand and the other opening the door. When she looked up from the floor, she lost her grip on her water and her jaw dropped in shock. There was a new one. A man who looked as if he came straight from the early 1930’s. She could swear she felt her heart skip a beat and fell to the ground, gasping for air. He took a few steps closer towards her while she frantically crawled in the opposite direction. She felt cornered again. It was late and knew no one would probably be up, but she released a shrink and hoped someone in the deserted hallways would hear her cry.

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